I was honestly excited to see that Martha Stewart was the author of the messages inside Dove’s individually wrapped Christmas-edition chocolates this year. Usually the morsels are besotted by a nauseating anecdote – very spread your wings and fly – and I am not a fan. I’m all for the inspiration, but in thought-provoking, non-Hallmark-esque doses. Martha doesn’t exactly strike me as a bleeding heart sort of gal, so I was anticipating her Dove quotes being better than the rest. I was not, however, anticipating this:

“Keep poinsettias out of drafty spaces.”

Just a touch more emotion wouldn’t have been overkill, Martha.