Ok, let’s not mince words.

The majority of this weekend was not good. And the week before it? Equally deplorable.

Now in the grand scheme of things I had a better week than 99% of the rest of the world: I have food, clothing, and shelter; no one died and no natural disasters occurred. So I really shouldn’t complain and I won’t…I will simply share with you some of the events of the past few days.

Like opening up a new bag of cereal and having it tear apart and explode. And cutting open a strawberry for aforementioned cereal and finding a caterpillar inside. And attempting to pour a glass of water for this already-doomed meal and finding out the Brita pitcher was inexplicably frozen solid.

Things like that.

Mind you I’ve just shared a cross-section of approximately 5 minutes. Multiply that by 7 days and add a variety of unfortunate events and you have an equation which equals my week.

I won’t bore you with all of the many grim details, but will instead share an example that pretty much sums the week up.

On Saturday afternoon, I locked my keys inside my car.

This usually would not be that big of a deal. The fact that also locked in my car were my house key, cell phone, and purse made it slightly more disconcerting. The fact that this predicament endangered my ability to attend the graduation ceremony for two of my dearest friends made it aggravating. The fact that it punctuated  a week of similar occurrences made it infuriating.

But that was only the beginning.

Luckily I was with a friend at the time who was gracious enough to let me use her cell phone to call for help. I started by calling the college security office, but it turns out they aren’t able to break into cars. Undeterred, I called Triple A knowing that my parents had renewed my subscription for Christmas. However, since my membership card was also locked in my car and my name was apparently not enough to identify me, they would not help me. Since this patten continues, I’ll just cut to the chase and list the people and places who were of no assistance in my time of need:

  • Previously acknowledged: Campus Security and Triple A
  • The Police Office
  • The Fire Department
  • The auto guy on the corner who had the audacity not to be open on a Saturday afternoon
  • Several random passersby
  • 911 (Yes…I stooped that low…and even after my opening line of, “listen…I know this isn’t an emergency in light of all of the other emergencies you deal with, but this is my last resort and I am a desperate woman!” they still were not moved to help a sister out.)

After an hour of rejections I was advised to call Gates Automotive. They were only too happy to rescue my keys from the prison of my car for the low, low price of $60. Whatever. At this point of the week I couldn’t remember the last time I saw the end of my rope, so I figured $60 was a reasonable price to pay for the remains of my sanity.

The good news is that there weren’t 60 mph winds on Saturday afternoon, and I didn’t have to run through the parking lot waving and screaming to chase down the lost Gates Automotive vehicle in front of a host of confused onlookers arriving for graduation.

Oh, wait. Both of those things did happen.

So when Pete from Gates Automotive took in my collective chagrin he offered this piece of comfort, “Well, it could be worse. It could be snowing.” To which I responded, “You know what, that’s true. It could be worse.”

You see where this is going.

Sensing an opportunity to squelch the small ray of hope I admitted to, the skies decided to open up on Saturday evening and blanketed North Chili in snow. Yes, snow. On May 9th. Now I love snow as much as the next guy – even more than the next guy, and the guy after him, too – but this is officially our 8th month of snow. Which means that nearly 3/4 of the year have been below freezing at one point or another, covered in white. And that is far too much for any person who does not regularly consume whale blubber.

Aside from the new twitch my eye has acquired, I’ve left the smoldering ashes of last week behind and am plunging into this new week with all of the optimism and positivity as I can muster. We’ll see how it goes!

P.S. The ducks stayed for another hour last night before deciding to leave for greener pastures. I don’t blame them.